BEST WAKE UP

An Open Letter to the Shambhala Community from Long-Serving Kusung
To the Shambhala community:
This letter is in regards to Mipham J. Mukpo, also known as Sakyong Mipham
Rinpoche. For the purposes of this letter, we will refer to him as Mr. Mukpo.
In light of the recently concluded investigations and subsequent communications
from the Shambhala leadership, a group of former Kusung decided to come forward
and highlight areas we do not feel were fully or properly addressed.
By way of background, the Dorje Kasung is the quasi-military group in Shambhala
tasked with protecting the teachings and the community. The Kusung, meaning
“body protectors,” are a subset of the Dorje Kasung who are tasked with the direct
care of Mr. Mukpo’s body, on all levels. Accordingly, the Kusung are witness to Mr.
Mukpo’s private life.
Becoming a Kusung is only by invitation of Mr. Mukpo. He requires loyalty,
confidentiality, and allegiance to his view. More often than not he also requires
Vajrayana samaya vows. Within the Dorje Kusung there are Continuity Kusung who
travel and live with Mr. Mukpo for about a year, serving him 24/7. There are very
few people in Shambhala who spend as much time with Mr. Mukpo.
We are all former Kusung who have held multiple leadership roles in the Shambhala
community some of which we have listed below our names. Although we are a small
contingent of former servants, our collective direct experience with Mr. Mukpo
spans from 1994 to 2018.
Serving in these capacities has afforded us both intimate exposure to Mr. Mukpo’s
conduct and ongoing access to those who’ve continued to serve or served after our
duties concluded. Each of us has gradually distanced ourselves from the inner circle
for a variety of reasons, primarily an overwhelming need for self-care. Most of us
have left the community entirely.
In conversation with each other, and with many other former Court (personal
household) staff, we’ve concluded that Mr. Mukpo has consistently shown a
disturbing pattern of behavior.
Given Mr. Mukpo’s position as sole authority of Shambhala, we feel a moral
obligation to alert others in order to avoid further harm and provide direct
unfiltered feedback to Mr. Mukpo. The following summary highlights key
observations and represents our own collective opinion. Attached to the end of this
letter are six individual accounts that contributed to our general assessment.
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Ms. Bath from Wickwire Holm had a very narrow mandate for her investigation.
However, we know that abuse is generally underreported which speaks to a much
wider epidemic in the Shambhala community. This seeming effort to downplay the
number and severity of incidents is corroborated by Ms. Merchasin’s investigation.
We can confirm that Mr. Mukpo has a long history of sexual misconduct including
those Claimants in the final Wickwire Holm report. While some of us did talk to the
investigators about these allegations we feel that much was not fully addressed.
Mr. Mukpo has a long-standing history of questionable behavior towards his
students, ranging from crude harmful speech to physical and psychological abuse.
This has occurred both while he was drinking heavily and in the absence of alcohol.
He has also consistently propagated misuse of organizational funds. In our opinion,
his abuse of power goes far beyond the limited scope of the Wickwire Holm
investigation.
We know Mr. Mukpo received feedback about his behavior from various key people
at different times. He either dismissed or was unable to heed the warnings and
continued to engage in these activities. We are concerned that Mr. Mukpo is unlikely
to change.
Most of us have been subjected to his abuse. At times we have also been inadvertent
enablers of Mr. Mukpo’s behavior. We have each struggled to understand our blind
spots. It is a bitter pill to swallow that we were enablers of this man. The more we
ignored our own intuition, the more people were harmed, and the more damage was
propagated. As was true for us, many other Shambhala leaders may not recognize
their role in the propagation of these harms. Indeed many are victims themselves.
While we cannot undo the damage, hopefully we can speak to the truth of how his
behavior has hurt many of his students. We seek to further validate those who have
bravely named this pattern and who likely were subjected to gaslighting or
minimization. We hope our personal statements will encourage others to speak and
keep speaking.
Although the Shambhala community is making changes in some areas of leadership,
as well as reviewing finances, ethical conduct, and reporting policies, we doubt that
these changes will be enough. Our concern is that these efforts may only act as a
mere gesture of change if the center of the community cannot face the deep
discomfort of its own culpability.
Currently, Mr. Mukpo is still the monarch and lineage guru in Shambhala. This is
why we felt it necessary for us to be open about what we have witnessed. He is not
solely defined by the terrible things – if he was this would all be much simpler.
Nonetheless, we feel compelled to draw the line here – where the disparity gap
between what he, as a spiritual leader, says to do and what he himself does, is so
wide as to appear immeasurable.
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We have been told (and have told ourselves) in many different ways how to obscure
this line. Often there is a theme of imploring us to believe that Mr. Mukpo’s behavior
is beyond our understanding. We are asked to regard such activity as the guru’s
method of waking us up. But, looking around the world, there’s nothing so prosaic as
a leader using his power and position to take advantage of people under his care.
By endorsing this letter we are both affirming these words and standing in support
of those who’ve been exploited or harmed.
The forthcoming statements from six of the undersigned are intensely personal
accounts from people who were trained to focus on Mr. Mukpo’s needs above all
else, even if it meant burying what we saw or felt. It has taken this long for us to
come forward because the journey was replete with self-doubt, shame, and grief.
This group as a whole has no affiliation with any particular movement, support
group, or any other organization. Although there are other Kusung staff who were
interested in endorsing this letter, we do not claim to represent or speak for all
other Kusung.
Sincerely,
Craig Morman
Kusung (1997-2015)
Continuity Kusung (2002-2003)
Ben Medrano, MD
Former Continuity Kusung and practicing board certified Psychiatrist
Laura Leslie
(2002-2016) Kusung-in-Training, Shabchi (Attendant to Mr. Mukpo’s wife),
staff member at Shambhala New York City and Dorje Denma Ling, Aide to the
Council of the Makkyi Rabjam (Leaders of the Dorje Kasung), Meditation
Instructor and Shambhala Guide, Rusung at the Boulder Shambhala Center,
Board Member at Shambhala Mountain Center.
Louis Fitch
(2000-2016) Kasung, Desung, Kusung-in-Training, Boulder Rusung, Kasung
Regimental Commander, Sun Camp Leadership Group, Colorado Sun Camp
Admin, Personal Attendant to Lady Konchok, Co-Team Leader for Lady
Konchok.
David Ellerton
Environment staff, Shambhala Mountain Center (2000-2001)
Continuity Kusung (2001-2002)
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Resident Director of Shambhala Training, Shambhala Meditation Center of
Denver (2003-2004)
Dragon Region Kusung Officer (2006-2008)
Allya Canepa
(1994-2018) Kusung, Camp Commander, Head of Household – Vermont,
Boulder, Shambhala Mountain, Chile; and briefly, at the end, Dragon Region
Kusung Commander; Karmê Chöling Accounting Office (1993-1999),
Windhorse Dressage Academy (1999-2002), Marpa House Director (2003-
2006) Privy Purse (2006-2010), Ashoka Credit Union CEO (2012-2016).
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Ben Medrano
February 2019
My name is Dr. Ben Medrano and I was a Continuity Kusung to Mr. Mukpo from
December 2002 to October 2004. I was one of 2 such attendants and we were
almost always steps away from him offering services including personal security,
workout partner, butler, secretary and counselor. Prior to this, my sporadic Kusung
training occurred at various programs starting at the 2000 Vajradhatu seminary
where I was recruited and trained. Before that I had never met or studied with him.
In fact, I knew very little about any aspect of his personal life other than he wore
robes instead of the suits of his father. It’s worth noting that I was not born into this
community and my participation started around the age of 19. Following my 2-year
tour as his Continuity Kusung, I moved to Boulder to begin my own path towards
becoming a physician specialized in psychiatry. I continued to be intimately
involved in Mr. Mukpo’s household as a Kusung staff supervisor (Kusung
commander) for many land center programs on an annual basis for the years
following until the summer of 2011. From about 2005 to 2007 I was a regional
Kusung commander for programs mostly in the Colorado area. During that time I
was involved in recruitment and training of many other Kusung, some of which are
still serving to this day. Upon acceptance to medical school in the summer of 2010,
my service and contact with him became limited to only a couple of campaigns in
total, each a month in duration with the last being at his Boulder household around
December 2013 to January 2014. For those who care, my vajrayana path included
traditional Kagyu Ngondro by numbers, Shambhala Ngondro, Vajrayogini and
multiple Scorpion Seal Assemblies. Following my acceptance into psychiatric
residency training I’ve had no direct involvement in his administrative or personal
spheres. However, I did maintain my strong friendships and frequent
communication with many who continued to serve him and his family. I’ve been a
trusted confidant about their experiences, which allowed me a limited vantage point
to continue to stay tuned-in. Prior to the release of Buddhist Project Sunshine I was
not aware of the extent of harm experienced by these women and many of my
former colleagues.
My retirement from service was a result of years of contemplation from which I’d
concluded that it was necessary for me to no longer have direct contact with Mr.
Mukpo and much of his inner circle. This period of time away from the community
while training in psychiatry allowed me a unique perspective of Shambhala and it’s
leader’s inner world. In light of the Project Sunshine and Wickwire Holm reports,
and after reading Mr. Mukpo’s and other’s statements, I came to realized that
sharing my experience was necessary in this process of reconciliation. The primary
catalyst for me was knowing that others have suffered for years and many more are
suffering as important questions remain unanswered. I was concerned by the fact
that many key close personal staff, prior to Mr. Mukpo’s marriage, had remained
silent. Furthermore, a substantial portion of the Kusung were born and raised into
Shambhala, attending numerous annual military-style summer camps during their
vulnerable developmental years.
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The following is an account of what I observed during my time in direct service to
Mr. Mukpo from 2000 to 2014 with particular focus on my time as a Continuity
Kusung. Please note that any period outside of my 2-year traveling tour consisted of
varied week to month long campaigns where contact with him was far more limited,
as I was doing occasional service shifts or supervising other Kusung. I will try to give
an honest account of my observations and context, while reserving the bulk of my
personal interpretations for the latter portion of this report. Its important for me to
disclose that I was socialized within this spiritual institution for over 20 years and
this definitely contributes to bias. For the last 5 years, I also have had no direct
contact with Mr. Mukpo or members of the Kalapa Council and they have not
attempted to reach out to me.
From the summer of 2000 to late 2002 I’m guessing I’d accrued a total of
approximately 2 months of direct service time to Mr. Mukpo. Much of this training
occurred at Shambhala Mountain Center, Dorje Denma Ling and Karme Choling.
During those periods I do remember seeing him consume copious amounts of
alcohol at occasional social events. When I say occasional, there were a few for every
month of service I did. At these events I also witnessed dancing, singing, poetry,
toasts and one-on-one close conversation between teacher and student. I clearly
recall seeing young attractive women being invited to social events and I remember
witnessing him flirting with them in the manner of placing his hand on thighs or
shoulders. I don’t remember seeing any groping of buttocks, breasts or vaginas. I
was aware of women being invited to his private quarters and had on occasion seen
them leave the morning thereafter. If now asked to describe their facial expressions
on these occasions I would list a whole range of affects from elation and anxiety to
sadness and shame. Rarely did I see women arise from his bedroom looking calm,
happy and refreshed. This pretty much sums up all of my observations of women
departing after nights spent for the years thereafter.
Prior to starting my tour as a Continuity Kusung, I had a surprise visit from Mr.
Mukpo and entourage. This was the first time I was fully able to appreciate his
voluminous consumption of alcohol during a binge (easily above 10 drinks). He
drank from sunset to sunrise, as he would behave in a provocative manner ranging
from being gentle and vulnerable to being threatening and insecure. I will elaborate
more on these observations later. I don’t remember him physically harming people
at this time. His behavior included demanding others to drink more and coercing
some participants to take off their clothes. His behavior towards me during this time
was inviting and flattering. From what I could tell he did his best to make me feel
welcome. Not long after, I received an invitation to travel with him full time.
Just before my 24th birthday on my first day of tour I remember being greeted at Mr.
Mukpo’s household service entry door in the midst of a closed personal retreat by a
rowdy and overly casual team of Kusung. I was surprised and somewhat
disheartened by their conduct as it reminded me of locker room behavior which I
loathed. Much of the 3-man team appeared to be poorly groomed and in general
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looked emotionally worn. They had been serving extensively for many months and
appeared to be at the end of their tether. This image really stuck with me and I will
remark on why later. Prior to the end of this retreat, most were replaced by freshfaced devotees.
Within a month of starting these intensive duties we embarked on Mr. Mukpo’s first
ever book tour for “Turning the Mind into an Ally” visiting around 20 international
locations. This was when I began to see the nature of his social engagement that
anchored my allegiance further. He slept very little, was constantly teaching and
interacting with students. These experiences were very inspiring for me and gave an
example of my own potential to extend my capabilities further than I’d ever
imagined. However, the partying continued. At some point in this early period is
when my experience of service started to take a turn.
One morning Mr. Mukpo invited me to his room looking worried. He stated that he
had a private task for me. He stated that he could no longer be allowed to drink
more than “2 wines or 3 beers” and that I should, without question, cut his drink
service off at that point. At first I felt honored that he would share such an intimate
moment with me. Following this I was informed in a vague manner that something
very concerning had recently happened in Chile. Until recently I had been shielded
from the details of this event. Evidently his conduct was so infuriating that one of his
most senior staff members had threatened to resign. I was given an official letter
that basically said I was empowered by Mr. Mukpo to review and regulate all social
events involving alcohol. This letter stated that I was to surpass all other authority
on the course of celebrations, control alcohol consumption, and dismiss guests if
need be. Little did I know, this would be the beginning of a challenging period for me
in my relationship with him… ultimately resulting in a protracted phase of decaying
trust between us.
As my traveling tour continued, the nature of Mr. Mukpo’s intimate relationships
with female students were superficially revealed to me. I use the word superficial
because I had little to no idea what occurred behind closed doors. I assumed that
some had sex with him, but I did not know the nature of these acts. I learned that he
had a number of longstanding girlfriends, many of whom were married. There were
times on our tour where they would visit him and vice versa. Having been socialized
by Shambhala starting in my teens, I was initially excited to see that my teacher was
continuing his father’s “crazy wisdom”. Trungpa’s teachings had already changed
my life in a very positive way. I remember thinking how conceptually profound it
was that these relationships existed. At the same time I toiled with what it must
have felt like for these students, always feeling pushed to rationalize this as a
generous offering to their revered teacher. One time we stayed at a couple’s home,
whose kid I frequently interacted with. I remember feeling such empathy, realizing
that he/she was probably far more preoccupied with the nature of this relationship
than I was. Maybe the child was too young, maybe caught up in other things, but
part of me could not shake that maybe it was just as disturbing for the kid as it is to
me now.
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Over time, many of those affairs with married women ended… and to my knowledge
at least one marriage did as well. There’s no way for me to know what impact,
positive or negative, Mr. Mukpo’s relationships with these women had on their
marriage. Needless to say, to my limited knowledge, all such relationships with him
had ended prior to his own marriage… some against his will. One night, just past the
midpoint of my tour, I was planning a brief hiatus as things had become particularly
stressful. I was sitting at a computer when I heard Mr. Mukpo come up behind me
with one of these married women who had evidentially broke up with him. To my
surprise he began to massage the back of my neck with one hand. This quickly
turned into an uncomfortably tight clamping static grip. At first I attempted to
ignore it while continuing to appear focused on typing until I could not tolerate the
pain and calmly stated “Yes Rinpoche?” He then snickered and stated to the lady
“See?! He can withstand the grip!” I must admit, I had forgotten this story until very
recently. Oddly I did not consider it a big deal, but after giving this man countless
massages to help him relax I realized this was one of the few moments of physical
contact that he initiated outside of using my arm as a banister.
Around the same time of this incident Mr. Mukpo’s drinking escalated. This resulted
in one of the few times that I showed the letter in order to intervene. We were at a
bar and I noticed that 3 drinks seemed like too much. As per tradition he would
dictate the seating arrangement and I would find myself placed at a distance that
seemed strategic on his behalf. Many times this made it difficult for me to intercept
guests’ offers resulting in an experience reminiscent of the childhood game of
Whack-a-Mole. Only this time the moles were drinks being handed to him, much of
the time these offerings were instigated by him. I would do my best to be as
inconspicuous as possible and replace them with water, as Kusung take great pride
in being invisible. Many uninformed senior students would get annoyed with me
and some would just ignore me regardless of mentioning the letter. However, on
this very rare occasion one senior student actually listened.
During our time at the bar I observed Mr. Mukpo flirting with a student’s long-term
girlfriend. I could tell that the situation was uncomfortable for him. That said, for
some reason, I couldn’t get a clear read what her comfort level was. This raised
further alarm as I had been told that I shouldn’t allow him to make advances on less
senior or experienced students… a distant rationale that I now find very troubling.
As we were leaving the bar I did my usual escorting of Mr. Mukpo into the bathroom.
I informed him that he had reached his limit and with a twinkle in his eye he
indicated that he couldn’t care less. I was not invited to his car so I instructed the
driver that he must proceed directly back to the residence. I rushed home to hide all
alcoholic beverages. His arrival was marked by stomps and slamming doors. I spoke
with the driver to ask what had happened and was told that Mr. Mukpo had ordered
him to go to another bar and was frustrated by their not having done so. Following
this, my pager rang summoning me to his room. I opened his bedroom door to find
darkness and quietly asked, “May I get you anything?” A sharp and booming reply:
“WATER!” Upon my return I entered the pitch-black bedroom in fear. I had heard
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stories of Mr. Mukpo striking other Kusung and was wary of my currently invisible
distance from him while he lay in bed. Fortunately he did not hit me as I somehow
managed to place the glass in the void. I left feeling somewhat relieved that a
potential crisis had been averted.
The following morning I was summoned to his room and to my surprise he was
awake and ready for a planned excursion. He verbalized confirmation that it was
good that he didn’t drink more last night since he didn’t feel too hung-over to stick
to his established schedule. As an aside, this begs mention of memories about
several past events that he canceled due to hangovers. Given that positive feedback
and reinforcement were rare experiences for most Kusung, I took his
acknowledgement as confirmation that I was doing a good job and this encouraged
me to continue serving in this way.
This event was around the time that I had completed my initial commitment of a
year. Of note, during this era we were paid a modest monthly stipend of around
$750 dollars for our 24/7 duties. Although this low wage was concerning to most,
we felt fortunate to be able to serve in this way since Shambhala International was
in a major financial crisis and running on a skeleton staff after multiple layoffs. As I
understand it, Mr. Mukpo’s “support” income was priority as I hear it continues to
be. This alludes to a broader topic on Mr. Mukpo and family’s relationship to money,
which many find disturbing. Repeatedly I was amazed by the opulence, frequency,
and duration of his luxury vacations. Long after my Continuity Kusung term I
gathered that he and his wife’s toiletry/cosmetic budget rivaled my own annual
salary as a resident physician. For as long as I have known him, this standard of
living has never been enough. I recall a sober midday call demanding me to push for
the unfeasible purchase of an Audi A8. I vividly remember his infuriated words
being: “I want my FUCKING Audi!”
Returning to my original train of thought: our meager Kusung earnings were barely
sufficient to maintain our daily expenditures and I found myself depleting my 401k
by the end of my tour in order keep up with his social spending. At the time, his
personal accountant had instructed us that we were to avoid using his funds while
going out to his numerous expensive dining events. To put it simply, I was beginning
to feel that terminating my service at a year would be wise. Soon after, he requested
me to renew my commitment for another year. As said in our tantric vows,
“Whatever the leader commands, all that I will do.”
As I progressed through my final year of traveling there were multiple instances of
Mr. Mukpo’s binge drinking that I was unable to control. All of them were marked by
tense confrontations between us. One such occasion, attended by many senior staff,
was at a restaurant dinner. As usual I had attempted to follow his established
instructions and limit the drinking. As expected he would retract those instructions
once the celebrating ensued and do everything in his power to sabotage my efforts.
What made this event different was the frank verbal abuse. At one point I escorted
him to the bathroom and he proceeded to verbally berate me, calling me an “asshole”
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amongst other things. Upon our return to the dinner table audience, he proceeded to
compose an insulting poem titled “Stupid People” which was clearly dedicated to me.
On speaking with others who had witnessed this event I found that hardly anyone
considered this a stellar teaching moment. In fact, his seasoned scribe later told me
that the poem was immediately discarded, as it was one of his “worst” literary
works. After hearing the poem I made a public reply for all to hear stating “I’m just
the bullet in your own gun, shooting yourself in the foot Your Majesty.” To this he
smiled and cleverly stated “Yes, but I have the bottle.”
During this dinner there was a novice female student whom it was common
knowledge that I was dating. At various points Mr. Mukpo made advances towards
her. As I was so preoccupied with cutting off his alcohol service, I cannot remember
the specifics of those advances. All I knew was that she was uncomfortable. As per
my instructions, I was to remove new students on such an occasion. So I passed my
duties to my teammate and made plans to escort her elsewhere as the party
continued back at our residence. When I stopped in his living room I found most of
our guests standing in a circle exposed. Mr. Mukpo was marching around and
ordering each of them to do various things. Evidently he had demanded that
everyone get completely naked, all but one woman halted this task at underwear.
Some were crying and many appeared to be nervous. At this point, I imagine senior
students reading this might feel encouraged, as it is again reminiscent of his father’s
“crazy wisdom” behavior. When we hear accounts of such stories from that era, I
think it’s worth reflecting on which participants remain in our community. Of those
who have left, what are their experiences? In my experience, and others who I know
well, these moments did not feel all that “enlightened”. In this particular instance, I
heard that after my departure one guest took it upon himself/herself to dispose of
all alcohol. This was after Mr. Mukpo began forcefully biting people, as he was
known to do in the past. Those who likely consented to such assaults remarked to
me that he had left bruises, which had been documented in photos. I vaguely recall
seeing them. However, my memory is quite muddled with anxiety as I attempt to
remember and much of this feels unreal as I put it onto paper.
To continue on this story, it was reported to me that Mr. Mukpo re-targeted his
sexual advances to another woman. She was married with husband present and
other staff noted a general feeling of discomfort. It’s worth noting that he seemed to
prefer to target unavailable women, usually while the significant other was present.
This instance led to a redirection of Mr. Mukpo’s focus on another single female who
consented to entertain him and I know little of what followed.
Later that night I ruminated in frustration, sadness and anger. I could not reconcile
the helplessness I felt in trying to assist Mr. Mukpo. I felt trapped and seriously
considered leaving immediately. I inquired about changing my flight, but found it to
be impossible. I called one of my seniors and recounted the story while emphasizing
that I intended to leave as soon as possible. He encouraged me to give it some time.
As I lay in the Kusung staff bedroom I looked over at my associate who was sleeping.
I realized how this teammate had become like family to me and I feared the stress he
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would face without my support. Upon reflection of this moment I realize that it
wasn’t my devotion to Mr. Mukpo that led me to continue, but my allegiance to those
who struggled to make use of these experiences. At the time I recounted a story
from veteran Kusung who was violently assaulted by Chogyam Trungpa. Knocked to
the ground and kicked multiple times with boots on. In that instance he considered
leaving as well. His point, that echoed in my mind, was “sometimes being a Kusung
is just about showing up.” For those familiar with the stories of the Karma Kagyu
Buddhist lineage tracing back hundreds of years, these kinds of assaults are
considered brilliant moments of teaching: a complex philosophical rationale of
making lemonade out of lemons. I truly believe this veteran accomplished his
reframing of this assault in a way that allowed him to cope and gain further insight
to Buddhist teachings. Similarly, I also wonder about other senior staff who
eventually shared with me their experiences of Mipham Mukpo throwing drinks in
their face or slapping them. However, I still struggled and even as I write this I feel
guilt for not having the resilience to accomplish such a transmutation. At the same
time I forgive myself for this and acknowledge that my socialization into this
tradition is the illogical root of this guilt.
The following morning I “showed up” for my duties to find that Mr. Mukpo was
amidst a major hangover. He guided me through a soup recipe passed on from his
father as a hangover cure and he slept through the day with the help of
pharmaceuticals. Once he regained his energy I decided it was necessary to inquire
about his memories of the previous night. He indicated that he remembered little
and I proceeded to recount most of the details with focus on the biting. I do not
recall telling him the details of his treatment towards me. He was remorseful and
asked “Should I stop drinking?” and I stated that it was not for me to decide. Seeing
him in this vulnerable state of not remembering, feeling upset, and asking for help
gave me hope that he could change. I continued to serve for the following months.
During the remainder of my traveling duties and beyond, I did not witness events
that were as noteworthy. This is likely due to my deliberate efforts to distance
myself once the bottles began to open. His drinking binges and provocative behavior
did continue with a mild taper. Time and time again I would butt heads with senior
staff and other Kusung about cutting off alcohol service. On most of these instances
my efforts resulted in suboptimal results. Regardless, it appeared to me that his
drinking was getting a little better. Similarly I noticed, at that time, that his relations
to women improved as well. Many veteran Kusung would remark to me that my
presence was having a positive influence on his conduct. This made me wonder how
much worse things must have been before I came along.
Throughout this period, my duty to regulate his drinking was not my only task. It
was also common for me to be his emissary in delivering invitations to romantic
interests. This unconventional experience may be hard for others to fathom, but the
reality of his role made it difficult at times to convey such communications on his
own. It was not uncommon at retreat centers and in Boulder or Halifax for him to be
stopped by people in devotional conversation that required his full and at times
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prolonged attention. Having witnessed this I empathized with him and obliged in
the awkward transaction with women. Acknowledging the power differential, I
would usually emphasize to invitees that there was no pressure and that they
should not feel obligated to entertain his invitation. I did not indicate that there
would be negative repercussions of their saying “no.” I do not remember stating that
he wished to participate in sexual activity with them. Nor did he request me to say
so. However, I assume that most people knew that some form of physical intimacy
was likely the case.
Acknowledging that it is hard to tease out the affects of devotion from sexual desire,
the majority of these communications were with women who seemed to express
romantic interest as well. There were a couple of instances where women had
declined and I did not observe direct repercussions for their decision. For those who
did accept, many were led to Mr. Mukpo’s abode and I know nothing of what
occurred thereafter. These women were sometimes one-time guests and others
would frequent for the period of weeks depending on the duration of our visit
calendar. Marking yet another aspect of complexity in his being able to maintain a
stable consistent relationship: our travel itinerary was quite busy. Much like a
spiritual rock and roll lifestyle. Please know that these statements are in no way an
excuse for an abuse of his position of power. These are simply my observations and
personal rationale at the time.
After my review of Project Sunshine, I tried to recall if there were instances where I
witnessed acts of frank sexual assault. I’m aware of the definition of such a thing and
I admit that I have no obvious memory of such. That said, over the years I did see
and hear of many women who felt disheartened, hurt and confused by their intimate
experiences with Mr. Mukpo. I’ve seen a number of them leave the community and a
few terminate communication altogether. I know of others who shared these
observations and dealt with it in the same way that I did: avoidance. I feel ashamed
as I read my own words, wishing that I had provided support for them. With
certainty I know that their pain and confusion is vastly more severe than my own.
At this point I feel it’s important to mention that over the course of the second half
of my travels, Mr. Mukpo indicated that it was his wish to have more integrity in his
“relationships” with women. It appeared to me that he was finally considering
settling down. This was marked with the termination of most if not all of his
standing relationships. He seemed determined to find some stability. Not long after
my tour, I found out about his engagement with his wife. To my limited knowledge,
the bulk of his known experiences with female students ended with their
engagement. Currently, I can’t help but wonder about the timing of the
abovementioned letter and his efforts to improve his drinking and intimate
relationships. What was/were this disturbing event(s) that happened before my
tour that I was shielded from?
As an aside, during my final year as a Continuity Kusung I experienced multiple
other instances of what most outside of this tradition would consider psychological
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abuse. To start, a Continuity Kusung receiving compliments from Mr. Mukpo was
generally very rare. Conversely, he occasionally reminded me that I was
unimportant without him. On a couple of occasions he made jokes about how
unattractive I was and that he didn’t understand how women were drawn to me. I
distinctly remember him boasting that “Continuity Kusung only attract women
because of me.” I only share these as an example of how this preacher of kindness
would treat his most devoted servants. Sure they were likely said in jest, but these
words hurt me in a way that I’ve struggled to make use of. In this spiritual dynamic,
a teacher’s words carried weight and he was well aware of that. Keep in mind we
were all complicit in countless flattery sessions that we felt to be our duty in order
to counter his frequent episodes of obvious insecurity. It appeared he just couldn’t
get enough compliments.
Near the end of my travels with him, there had been conversation of my continuing
for an indefinite amount of time with the title of Attaché. The mere thought of this
exhausted me. Much like those previous staff members I had seen on my first day, I
was nearing the end of my tether. Others noticed my burned out conduct and this
was upsetting to me as I felt I was becoming a blemish on Mr. Mukpo’s
representation. I began to scramble to find a replacement to fill the role and finessed
this agenda into Mr. Mukpo’s purview. Eventually I succeeded and this eager new
recruit was ready to jump in following our return from an exhausting trip to Tibet.
My final moments in this capacity were bittersweet and I remember Mr. Mukpo
telling me for the first and last time “I love you” just prior to heading to the airport.
For the years following I’d struggled with trying to find balance between my service
to Mr. Mukpo while traversing my medical training. I took every opportunity to offer
my experience to his household and beyond. All the while I felt haunted by these
memories that did not coincide with what had initially inspired me to become
Buddhist. I found myself coping in unhealthy manners and in unstable relationships.
This led to a painful divorce involving some of the closest members of Mr. Mukpo’s
staff. During this time I had the chance to discuss this experience with him and he
was far from sympathetic. In fact, he voiced his irritation and blame for bringing
drama into his home. He followed this with an insult far too personal and complex to
mention here. Again, many students of vajrayana Buddhism would consider this a
form of teaching. Sadly, to this day I have not been able to make such reconciliation
without dismissing my own true feelings and the feelings of others who have felt
harmed. As a Buddhist I believe that feelings are devoid of any real existence while,
at the same time, highly informative and not to be discarded.
Soon after my graduation from medical school I decided it best to take a distant
stance from Shambhala and simply focus on my career. I was matched to residency
training in New York City where I hunkered down in my work. This marked the
beginning of a rocky period of healing of which I feel is nearing its end. During my
residency I had extensive exposure to trauma patients. Listening to these patients
and providing them with support became one of my primary avenues for
understanding my past. I continued to practice meditation and also engaged in
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therapy for myself. All of these, coupled with the generous and ongoing support of
my friends and family, have culminated in my ability to elaborate on these
experiences that I’m sharing with you now.
Since my departure from Colorado in 2014, I’ve had the opportunity to hear many
other stories such as my own. I’ve seen numerous close Sakyong staff move on. As
there is a trend of high staff turnover that is well known in Shambhala, I’ve
wondered about the experiences that other, far removed, former devotees have had.
For myself, I’m still in a process of integrating my thoughts and feelings about all of
this. In fact, having the opportunity to share them has been surprisingly helpful.
I feel its important to take a moment to honor those who have similarly served Mr.
Mukpo who may wish to share, but for whatever reason, are unable to do so. I know
of many more beyond the group endorsing this statement. The decision to release
this statement was very difficult for me, for obvious reasons. Because of that, I
respect those who have decided to not speak or remain anonymous. These
relationship dynamics are highly complex. It takes time to process. Not to mention
the proposed spiritual and social consequences of betraying your teacher and friend.
Knowing all the trials and tribulations Mr. Mukpo’s experienced, I still feel genuine
concern for him and his family. BUT people are suffering because of his actions and
it’s possible that those closest to him are currently being duped by his superficial
gestures of restitution, while playing the victim to those who will have it. Yes, I’m
very familiar with his use of this tactic. I think it’s only fair that I not propagate this
idea of his role being above the ethics that apply to us all, as doing so could have
tremendous painful ramifications for this community. We already have undeniable
examples of how others have suffered under this spiritual model.
To conclude, I have countless thoughts around the ethical, psychological, and
sociological issues that have led to this current predicament. I find I’m repeatedly
saying to myself “Do not throw the baby out with the bathwater.” At times who or
what the “baby” is confuses me. I’ve veered into the narrow-sighted logic of trying to
simplify this man’s conduct as someone who has a problem with alcohol and women.
Fortunately for me, I now have enough understanding of the human psyche to know
that these issues are far more complex and malignant. Despite his voiced intention
of creating a “culture of kindness”, my current observation is that we are still in the
midst of a culture of fear and abuse of power influenced by longstanding beliefs that
need to be further called into question. For those following spiritual leaders who
justify this kind of behavior, keep in mind the blinders they might wear while
explaining their rationale. Much like many other religions, this particular tradition
still has generations of work to do before it fully addresses the entrenched cultural
patriarchy from which it has flourished. I wish you all clarity in this process and
thank you for your patience in tolerating my lengthy monologue.
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David Ellerton
February 2019
My name is David Ellerton and I have been involved in the Shambhala Community
since 1995. I have served as a Kusung in various capacities from 1999 until 2013
(when my last formal shift occurred). This service varied in terms of length and
responsibility, ranging from single, daily shifts—either at various residences or
events—to “campaigns,” which involved week(s) or month(s) long stretches at the
community’s retreat centers. I also travelled as a Continuity Kusung from July 2001
until September of 2002 and served as Regional Kusung Officer from late 2006 to
early 2008, the latter of which involved the scheduling, training and supervising of
all aspects related to Kusung for the Rocky Mountain region. In addition to my work
in the capacity as Kusung, I held other paid and unpaid positions in the community,
including environment staff at one of the community’s retreat centers, Resident
Director of Shambhala Training, Meditation Instructor, and Coordinator of programs.
I am heartbroken. I sign this letter in solidarity with those who have experienced
harm in this community.